Monday 3 April 2017

IMPORTANT information regarding comforters, new parents please read!

Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to introduce the kids to a cute snuggly cuddly comforter!! Stupid bloody idiot...Oh yes that's me!!
Ah look so cute all tucked up in the cot or pram with his/ her little snuggly or tickly in the girls case, yes so cute!

Fast forward two/ three years now tell me it is bloody cute when they are screaming the house down because you can't find the little fucker! Under the bed, in the pushchair, in the playschool bag, down the back of the sofa.....Where the hell does the child go you don't see as it spends most part of the day attached to your leg, so how the hell can the one thing that's more surgically attached to your child than your child is to your leg go missing in a place you haven't spent some part of the last 12 hours in.

Oh it gets worse fast forward another two/ three years....Now they hide the little fuckers from each other just to sit back and enjoy the show when we have the bedtime meltdown, when it can't be found....ANYWHERE...And they have amazingly developed such an amazing poker face, "it wasn't me, I really don't know where it is"
Now for children who cannot grasp the concept that dirty washing gets put in the laundry basket they come up with amazingly genius hiding places, i must give that credit to them because they are that good i cannot find the hiding places.
You thought bed, chill, wine and Netflix.....Fool.....No you spend the night searching for a filthy, stinky piece of cloth accompanied by the wails of despair from one or the other kids...The other still claiming no knowledge....Blood pressure not doing so well at this point!!

Oh we thought we were so clever the second time around, we will learn from our mistakes the first time, lets buy a back up....and keep it for emergencies!!! Only they may be identical but they know...its not the real deal..suckers!!! This imitation will not do, it will not silence the deafening screams and wails of despair, not now.. not ever!

So a word of advice to new parents...DO NOT GIVE YOUR BABY A CUTE COMFORT BLANKET!!! Not now....Not ever